http://www.cocomment.com/comments/britgirl Copyright 2007 coComment.com 2009-11-24T13:27:01.672+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/images/logo4rss.gif http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=611590&comment_id=11761203 Britgirl Chris... It's completely nuts! I had to read that bit several times, because sometimes you do begin to wonder if it isn't just you ;-) Dee - You raise a very interesting point. I have been thinking of that question all day. Nobody questions this blatant reproductive double standard, and one has to wonder why. I think it's because of this disturbing fact: Anything done to produce a child in our pro-natal society is either good, o.k or people are willing to live with. Which means that even if mulitple birth babies die or will have complications that will render their health sub standard, the end seems to justify the means. Whereas anything to do with a woman's right to have the choice of what to do with her body or to control her fertility is bad and must be either removed/banned/restricted or criticised. As we speak in the US they are still trying to overturn Roe vs Wade. And, fueled by the religious right, they won't stop until they get what they want. Yet there is a stony silence on IVF and all it entails. 2007-04-09T02:06:44.863+02:00 2007-04-09T02:06:44.863+02:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=581392&comment_id=11725996 Britgirl electric bonsai - welcome and thanks for these great points! I doubt that Lovric could give even one good reason to have kids. Not a chance. And bottom line, the reason I don't have kids is, like you, - I have no desire to. Lovric most decidedly subscribes to the erroneous assumption that every woman wants kids, should want kids, must want kids and will move hell and high water to have them. A fallacy indeed, but one that is perpetuated regardless. You've highlighted a key point... instead of childfree people justifying their choice not to breed, it should be the other way around... the childed should be explaining why they find it necessary to have kids. Maybe, instead of responding to the intrusive bingoes we get we should be responding with our own question - "why do you feel the need to have kids, then? ;) 2007-04-08T04:50:18.590+02:00 2007-04-08T04:50:18.590+02:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=609868&comment_id=11721931 Britgirl TT - Thanks - I would agree that all premi babies need extra care. As far as IVF babies are concerned, because they had no choice in the matter they have to have care - probably more so - and I have no problem with that. What I have a problem with is the parents who know (or should know) the risks and go ahead regardless of what the babies will go through. I have no sympathy for them at all. My next post talks to that point. Strawberry Muffin - welcome and thanks for dropping in and commenting. You'll be interested in reading my follow up article then.... where I make some suggestions as to their motivations. See if you can guess just what they might be ;-) . Mercurior - thanks for posting these very interesting links! Very informative. The more I read things like this the more I find it hard to understand why women are encouraged to run risks of this kind. Ann-Marie - "Some things aren’t meant to be doesn’t always satisfy their curiosity, but it does satisfy me". I feel that is what's the most important - it has to be. I also feel that those who question why a woman doesn't pursue IVF is often very ignorant of what it actually entails. Which begs the question of why they would expect people to go through with it. I too feel that society is doing a disservice to infertile couples by pushing them down the path of IVF, particularly given the risks. It seems any other options are not even considered until fortunes have been spent on IVF, emotions are exhausted, relationships have been strained, dreams have died and everything else seems to have failed. Of course, there are huge fortunes being built on the IVF industry, which is probably why women are not discouraged. I mention this in my follow up article which will publish tomorrow. 2007-04-08T02:22:35.225+02:00 2007-04-08T02:22:35.225+02:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=607692&comment_id=11672824 Britgirl Thanks for this. I shall try it on my blog. 2007-04-06T22:46:37.491+02:00 2007-04-06T22:46:37.491+02:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=594672&comment_id=11472471 Britgirl RMS - I think so too! 2007-04-03T01:35:32.390+02:00 2007-04-03T01:35:32.390+02:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=594672&comment_id=11371403 Britgirl Hey AM - my husband grudgingly admits that Skeletor is about as sexy as a well made blow-up doll. In the $1,000 dollar range. If there is such a thing. I'm personally unconvinced that there's anything real about that woman any more. She's had so many nips and tucks, it's unreal. She looks it too :-). Unreal, that is. (For those wondering - Skeletor is aka Posh Spice) mercurior - oh, you mean like when a with-child Demi Moore posed nekkid on the cover of Vanity Fair. And people weren't allowed to express a dissenting opinion even if they didn't find it particularly attractive. Looks like we can look forward to the WAGS jumping merrily onto the covers, then. Ugh. TT - I'll check those links out. Polli - you're welcome! Thanks for stopping by! 2007-04-01T06:43:49.256+02:00 2007-04-01T06:43:49.256+02:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=581392&comment_id=11178877 Britgirl Carisa - hey, feel free to rant. This is the place to do it! Jannette - Takes your breath away doesn't it? Idiotic isn't it? If that's journalism... I rest my case ;-) 2007-03-29T02:44:44.766+02:00 2007-03-29T02:44:44.766+02:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=556969&comment_id=10996637 Britgirl Hello Mimi! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experience. You'll see that from other readers that though they've faced challenges with getting the procedure done in the States, some have been fortunate to find a doctor that will do the procedure. However, if you are looking at getting it done outside the US, Marie Stopes is a good place to start, as mercurior has suggested. I know they also have Marie Stopes clinics in countries outside the UK. All the best - and don't give up :-) 2007-03-25T23:13:37.740+02:00 2007-03-25T23:13:37.740+02:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=576067&comment_id=10957524 Britgirl Thanks for this write up. Helpful as always. And I like the way it highlights those who are developing these great plugins. A lot of great talent out there. 2007-03-25T01:34:43.897+01:00 2007-03-25T01:34:43.897+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=566516&comment_id=10745956 Britgirl Chris - She should have had a heavier sentence.Supermodels don't do time though, at least not yet. And probably the judge was chuffed he had a Soopermodel in his court. Then again, if Nicole Richie can drive around with a suspended licence while drunk and just about any other celeb gets off with the equivalent of a slapped wrist, why should we really be surprised? Naomi throwing a temper tantrum (her usual way of expressing herself to staff) is just as fuckwitted, but in comparison it almost pales into significance. Maybe next time. But don't hold your breath. 2007-03-21T02:08:45.776+01:00 2007-03-21T02:08:45.776+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=545234&comment_id=10694342 Britgirl Root - but if you said "Imawebdesignerbuti'mapapermillionaireandmy porscheisjustmyrunaboutcar" she might invite you back for after dinner drinks. You have to say it fast though... so she'll think she heard the word "millionnaire" and "Porsche" but she won't be sure ;) 2007-03-20T04:22:47.852+01:00 2007-03-20T04:22:47.852+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=556969&comment_id=10591040 Britgirl Men can be refused, yes, but on the whole it appears they are less likely to be refused than women. Some women do ask for reversals, it is true. but I find that these are women who, not only are NOT committed childfree women, but are women who have had two or more children and suddenly decide they want more, then regret their decision. In my opinion these are completely different from women and their partners who are certain they never wanted and don't want kids in the first place. And it is unfair for doctors to lump childfree women in with women who've had children and want reversals - which is what I feel is happening and compounding the difficulty in childfree women getting the procedure if they want it. And I think the anecdotal "permission" issue for married couples is where doctors are afraid of having a law suit slapped on them. Looks like it isn't universal but varies depending on where in the States you live. But it seems to work both ways as they are a couple. Although I think rather than permission the writer may have been referring to "consent." 2007-03-17T22:54:45.894+01:00 2007-03-17T22:54:45.894+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=556969&comment_id=10548563 Britgirl mercurior - Have to say, until you mentioned it here, I had never heard of childfree women pressuring their men to be sterilized. I've heard of men offering to be sterilized or simply going ahead and doing it, regardless. I haven't even heard of the medical profession insisting that the man has the procedure. Which of course isn't to say it doesn't happen. My view - I feel that putting pressure on ANYONE to have any procedure done isn't right. I didn't see that Christine was talking about anyone putting pressure on anyone else to be sterilized. An opinion does not a trend make ;) I would think in any committed relationship there would be tons of discussion and eventual agreement about who would have the procedure done and why. But besides this - there are at least two examples in these comments where the men are quite willing to have the procedure done - the reasons are above so I won't repeat them here. Kath's story is one, mine in terms of my husband's view is another. More importantly, this post's central message is key - it is about women who DO want to get the procedure done and, can't for whatever reason are turned down sometimes for years. They are refused the ability to control their own reproduction. Meaning it often isn't a simple question of "if you don't want them you go and get fixed"... as you say. Sometimes, the man having the procedure may sometimes be the only way if the couple want to remain childfree. In a committed childfree relationship this is about the couple, and what is best for them not about who "should/should not" do something. I would be surprised, if, in the face of obstacles his partner goes though the man wouldn't at least volunteer...Kath's story is inspiring. But consider this. It's the woman who's been taking the contraceptive pill for God knows how many years, her body that runs any risks associated with the pill. And there are risks. Or endures the hassle of other sometimes painful forms of contraception. It's the woman who will have the abortion if an unwanted pregnancy accidentally occurs. Or have it adopted if she doesn't want to abort or keep it. It's the woman who will take the brunt of the "scares". It's the woman who is refused a tubal ligation by much of the medical profession - even when she desperately wants one. It's the woman who goes through the humiliating ordeal of being told "she doesn't really know what she wants," when she asks to be sterilized. It's the woman who has to justify her choice to the doctors. And it's the woman who runs the greatest risk ifshe DOES get the procedure - things can go far far more wrong with a TL than a vascetomy. 2007-03-17T02:30:16.445+01:00 2007-03-17T02:30:16.445+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=545234&comment_id=10353056 Britgirl RowanElizabeth - Ditto to that! Good advice that Cristina Odone's daughter would be far better off with than the status seeking her mother would prefer her to do. 2007-03-14T04:06:51.798+01:00 2007-03-14T04:06:51.798+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=545269&comment_id=10282168 Britgirl Chris - I looked at the post on Digg... have to go back and read through it, but I dug it anyway from what you said. I agreed with you too. I may not be a parent, but I am shocked at how little some people seem to care for the children they have. They seem to be expendable, just because they're "easy to have." And judging by some of the reactions on that thread, I can see why. Parents should have some kind of license - or something. Every day it seems I read of some parent doing something unbelievably neglectful to their children... and I shake my head. Yet it is the childfree who are the crazy monsters. 2007-03-13T03:49:49.185+01:00 2007-03-13T03:49:49.185+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=538229&comment_id=10281873 Britgirl Thanks Chris - I agree! We could all sign up on Poker Stars.net (play money)... Nothing like playing with play money.. heh! I do enjoy Poker though - my favourite is Texas Hold 'em and still play in a $5 buy in a house poker league with friends every few weeks. I got a Poker table as a present last Christmas - I'm a bit of a poker nut I'm afraid... :) 2007-03-13T03:42:46.367+01:00 2007-03-13T03:42:46.367+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=545234&comment_id=10280738 Britgirl Everyone - priceless comments! :) Adam - that was the one - and only one - saving grace of the whole article - that she manged to highlight that economic forces are forcing a whole new dynamic. The sad thing is many women are still waiting for the knight on a white charger crap of "ye olde romance novel" to come and "rescue" them... from, well life really. My friends and I - before we knew any better - used to read the dreadful stuff. The guys were all rich, tall, all-knowing and complete bastards, treated women like dirt but that didn't stop the women from swooning after them. Infuriating. I swear that's where the JR character came from... parents really should know better. As for me, marrying late was one of the best things I did - not only was I after (and got) the things that mattered (love, respect, kindness, intelligence and humour) but I was also pretty independent, had been for several years and have my own career. I earn more than my husband - I have a higher pressured job - but it's totally as Chris W says - its the relationship, mutual support teamwork and fun that's important. Titles come and go. In terms of my husband Istill marvel that I met such a great and well-suited person... via the Internet no less :) Kath - don't give up hope. They are out there! :) HTH... this made me laugh, and sadly I did find it hard to disagree with you... I know too many guys on the receiving end of some of those women... recently a guy asked me point blank, having tried to be all the things that a particular woman wanted "but what do women really want?" I had to choose my answer carefully. On the bright side though I know at least a few women who went for "Mr Nice Guy" and who are very happy. So, there's hope :) mercurior - I know a couple of guys who wouldn't turn their noses up at being a "kept man" just to know what it feels like... lol. I believe money is important - it is just bad for it to be the main reason two people get together. And even worse that the parent's values (as in the article) are so out of whack. 2007-03-13T03:23:33.501+01:00 2007-03-13T03:23:33.501+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=538229&comment_id=10199577 Britgirl Rirath - A few plugins certainly can't hurt. in fact I'd say they are quite important. So we'll call it an honourable #16. I didn't include them in the "must have" list because I know that those on wp.com can't install plugins on their blogs in the way we can on our hosted wp. And I've no idea what the deal is on blogger. I think you can blog without plugins (just) but you are limited with what you are able to do to extend your blog. Being able to extend my blog functionality beyond the basics is one reason I moved to hosting and I'm constantly amazed at the array of plugins being developed. It's easy to become a "Plugin Junkie" though! I've been planning to do a post on the plugins I am using on Like It Is... one of these days :). Glad you like the Top Commenators - I think it's a nice way to show case people who do comment often :) 2007-03-11T22:52:51.534+01:00 2007-03-11T22:52:51.534+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=502339&comment_id=9278135 Britgirl Chris - You do have a gift for writing, so I hope you believe it! :) My blog certainly helps me vent and share... that's one of the best things about blogging I think! Christine - good rule to follow about email... (I think that some people forget that email is just like a postcard) and same with blogging really. I'm with you on the code of ethics side too. Mercurior - yes private life is private life. I'm not so much talking to what I do at home as much as where it relates to work. I could blog about work easily - I simply choose not to. And whatever I type about is my business - but if I decided to type about confidential work stuff for example, then it could become their business and I've no intention of allowing that to happen. In some places when you go to work for an employer you both sign a confidentiality agreement. I feel if a person can't abide by that agreement then they should change jobs. But if I have a complaint about work I will take it up at work with those who should hear at work. I think most people know where their comfort level is, and it's different for everyone. ;) 2007-02-26T06:28:29.909+01:00 2007-02-26T06:28:29.909+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=502339&comment_id=9162140 Britgirl Christine - We are on the same page :). I too love my job, but as you say, even if I did not, I would use my time to get a new one rather than blog about how much I disliked it. And if That aside, while blogging is a very enjoyable and fun hobby I took a deliberate decision not to blog about work (except with the odd reference), or blog at work for that matter - because my employers do and should have some expectation of confidentiality. And I take it seriously. And that's why I worded my disclaimer the way I did, just to make it clear where I stood. Of course, the recent stories of where bloggers have been dismissed for blogging at work were an extra cautionary tale... I think this is where the term "Dooced" arose, after the blog of the same name. On the personal side - exactly. I don't feel it's fair for my loved ones and friends to suddenly find themselves and their business on the web, just because I like to blog... so, except in very rare cases (where I've asked if they mind me blogging about something that may involve them) I don't blog about friends and loved ones. And I always hide their identities, unless they are already public of course!My husband is an exception, but even then if I want to blog about something that involves him, I still ask him and don't use his name... he never minds anyway. Everything else is fair game though! That Loud... that made me chuckle... a controversial blog for you and a boring, benign and tame one for the family... I like it. I like it a lot. I actually think there are some things that family really doesn't need to know... imagine the energy trying to explain what they will never understand in the first place! But your comment reminds me again what an outlet a blog can be. Thanks for this. Mercurior - Yep a blogger has the right to be as public or as private as they wish, say anything on their blog...but what I would also say is that bloggers still must be aware that what they say may have consequences they don't want. I know if I wanted to I could say anything I wanted to about work, but I don't want to. End result - I blog about exactly the things I want to :) In a way, blogs are a little like email. But better and maybe a little more dangerous.... think about it :) 2007-02-24T04:27:05.487+01:00 2007-02-24T04:27:05.487+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=471058&comment_id=8630557 Britgirl @ Hillari and Christine - I was going to say the same as Christine! Except she explained it much better than I would have done. It is because he is African - born in Kenya in fact) and not descended from slaves. I wish I could remember the name of the woman on the Daily Show - maybe it was Debra Dickerson? Just can't remember...but I was yelling (almost)at the TV as she was saying this crap. It made me so angry, because I could see the implications... The sad thing was when the interviewer (Colbert?)asked her some pertinent questions, she couldn't but see she had backed herself into a corner. Even she realized how bizarre it sounded. It was surreal. In a way it is almost good that this has come to the surface now. But on the other hand, it makes my heart sink. How much more divisive could it be? I can almost feel the African-American community (isn't that a misnomer by the way?) wanting Obama to fail. What the... It is a very sad indictment of where we are today, and shows we have a long, long way to go. As for Hillary - even though she does have her faults, it seems no one is interested in her credentials. Put all this together and no wonder you getBush! 2007-02-14T03:42:49.856+01:00 2007-02-14T03:42:49.856+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=473883&comment_id=8575481 Britgirl @mercurior - you make a very interesting point. I was surprised when first read this - so soon after writing about workplace bias that childfree people face. And my first impression was that it was again something that is slanted to enabling women with children or parents to benefit rather than the childfree. It does go a little further but I think the basis is women with children. You have a point - men are not going to go for this in big numbers because there is still a) there is still stigma when men work part-time and many jobs seem to hire women for part time work... and b) if the man is the main breadwinner, or just part of a two-salary couple they wouldn't go for part time work anyway unless one had substantial savings/additional income. I can see it helping retirees in a big way. It seems to be accepted for women to work part time, but my view is that men won't be taken seriously. But, if this becomes policy, any employee will have the right to ask to work part time if they want. And in spite of my "misgivings" I think there will be men who may take it up - if, for example they want to study part time, do caregiving orwhatever they want. That may change things. 2007-02-13T01:44:19.586+01:00 2007-02-13T01:44:19.586+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=459080&comment_id=8572748 Britgirl @TLFC - I can't remember where I first saw and understood the word childfree. But I know I had a "eureka!" experience. After that I could never even think of myself as "childless" :) it just felt odd, because it wasn't true! @Kim - Welcome! From my own experience finding an online community (or offline for that matter) where you don't have to explain yourself or defend your choice is just so refreshing. You never have that the "so do you have kids?" question for one. Even though I am very comfortable with being childfree, I know that when I'm in the company of parents I am subconsciously preparing myself for either "That Question" or for them to launch into stories about their kids, or I can feel them waiting for me to ask them about their kids... @ ourosd - welcome! Don't you just love those anti-bingos..lol 2007-02-13T00:39:51.972+01:00 2007-02-13T00:39:51.972+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=471058&comment_id=8572417 Britgirl @mercurior - I hear ya... I haven't yet met a politician that has stuck to their word. Even when they promise stuff, somehow as soon as they get our votes they forget what they said they'd do -until the next election. I vote for Jack Bauera and David Palmer as President (heh) :) @ TT - Yep, it's pretty shameful isn't it? It's a pity that skin colour should even matter at all - but you know it will in this one. @Jay - Welcome ...Yes. I'd call "messy" the understatement of the day. The knives are coming out, and it won't be pretty. 2007-02-13T00:29:06.735+01:00 2007-02-13T00:29:06.735+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=466722&comment_id=8494213 Britgirl This may take the discussion off topic but I am going to make an exception in this case. I don't feel what I wrote misrepresents your argument, but I did mention your blog so that anyone can go there and read and judge the discussion there for themselves including any clarifications. If you feel it does it isn't intentional.I had no intention of rewriting the whole thing in a comment here. I mentioned some key things relevant to the comment and not every single thing. I have never disagreed that everyone should be compassionate about about people's needs, highlighting the bias childfree people face in the workplace does not preclude compassion. But as you yourself said on your blog, I thought we agreed to disagree. Also, by "they" I was not referring only to you but to parents as a group or in the general sense. If I did mean you I would have quoted you directly. And no, many parents don't get it. If you do, then take yourself out of the ones who don't. No, "they" does not include every single parent, just as when references are made to childfree people or the childfree it doesn't refer to every singe childfree person. Just in a general sense. Whether you like it or not (and we do not, but we're stuck with it for now) parents as a group carry the day in and out of the workplace. As I mentioned and as is clear throughout this blog I know have worked with and still do work with many parents. I know very well that not every person on that thread agreed with you, I even quoted some of them on your blog. And fyi, I don't write as part of any "movement". Not sure where I became slotted into a movement. I write as I see things, people are free to disagree if they like. If you view my comment - about what I feel as a waste of my time as "a nasty attack on parents", that's your choice. I don't recall saying that I SAY to parents trotting kids into the office that they are wasting my time. However I reserve the right to feel/decide that they are wasting my time if I am supposed to be working and they decide to bring their kids in to show me. I am not interested in cooing over their babies or their tots. Period. I may put up with it when I can't get away or when I know the worker very well. But to say "oh because it means so much to them..." doesn't cut it. That is my choice and my view. Whether or not you think that or anything else on my blog constitutes "a nasty attack on parents" isn't really my problem and entirely your opinion. But then I'd ask - why come to a place where you feel attacked? What you read on other childfree blogs I cannot answer for. There are plenty of parents who think nothing of denigrating childfree people at the slightest opportunity. And it's a bad idea to jump so quickly to conclusions. I do not see you or anyone else as "the enemy." As I've mentioned in many of my articles, I talk to people about their kids. In the workplace. I ask after them, I share their photos when appropriate. I know when their important milestones are. I take part in bring your kids to work days if I feel like it.... I know more about the parents and their kids than they do about me - because I take an interest. So please, don't muddy the waters. Don't even go there. To your point about "finding an alliance with the movement" again, I don't know what you mean - I am not writing as part of a "movement." That's entirely your lens. I blog about life as I see it. Among other things. And I'm a childfree person . Necessarily, that entails talking about other childfree people and parents and children our interactions and their impact. Whether or not parents "support" childfree people doesn't bother me. And I don't go to other people's blogs to criticise their blogs either. Most childfree people spend their lives being bombarded by the pro-natalist parent propaganda driven by parents. I am not in particular looking for parental support... I don't need their approval to live my life. I would not swap my life for theirs even if I was offered a tax break... I respect their choices to reproduce, they should respect mine not to. 2007-02-11T08:16:32.412+01:00 2007-02-11T08:16:32.412+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=466722&comment_id=8479688 Britgirl @foxgrandma - I don't care if they have more expenses. I really don't. Because they have made choices, just like I have. So, what if I as an individual have more expenses? Do I get tax breaks? I think not. I think health care should be provided for everybody, parents and non parents. And as for not everybody having a choice - while this is true in some cases, we are not talking about the exceptions. Most do have a choice. @mercurior - I really think they don't get it. If you read my comments on PlainsFeminists blog "Who Benefits from the Benefits" you'll see this clearly (among other things ;) They believe that because they have more expenses they are entitled to tax breaks. They complain we are selfish because some childfree people are beginning to question why their taxes should support people's choices to breed. (I personally have no problem with supporting education, playcentres, healthcare, municipal taxes etc). Parents have more child releated expenses because they CHOSE to have children. So they feel they are entitled, because they have children. It's more or less what's been supported by the government so they are in good company. You or Imay have a relative that we look after, or need to support. WE may have even MORE expenses than the childed. but we don't qualify. Why? because we don't have kids. So we must pay out of our own pocket. No tax break for us. We don't have kids, so it doesn't count. And while I am all for supporting people on lower incomes, they also ignore the fact that parents get all sorts of tax breaks irrespective of income. So even very rich people with kids in expensive private schools get the tax breaks, not because of the expenses, because of the fact they have kids period. They don't seem to think planning for or even thinking about whether a child can be afforded is a valid point to make. Nor that they should be self sufficient in bringing up their kids. Instead they quote "shit happens" "accidents happen." Yes, they do. But as you say, that's has nothing to do with it, because this isn't about the "shit happens" stuff, it's about the rule. 2007-02-10T22:03:40.132+01:00 2007-02-10T22:03:40.132+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=327598&comment_id=8440796 Britgirl Hello Christine - welcome (although you're probably quite at home already) and thank you very much :) Hope you continue to enjoy Like It Is! 2007-02-10T02:28:59.258+01:00 2007-02-10T02:28:59.258+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=466722&comment_id=8440403 Britgirl @ Danielle - Last time I looked I could quote anyone and anything I want on MY blog. If you'd actually read the posts, you'll see it wasn't "to start more than one conversation". But even if it was, what's your problem? What anyone else does on their blog is up to them. If you have something to contribute to the conversation, do so. Alternatively, you could always simply read the on-point comments and quotes of others :-) @mercurior - Very well said. @ TT - Thanks for this.... You know, reading your experiences reminded me that YES!! I have recognize many of those people too!! How could I forget 1 and 2!! All the time... And what about the parents - especially mothers who bring their babies into the office while their off on maternity leave and waste everyone's time showing them off where I am working... or young kids, because their sitter has "fallen through..." and worst of all are the ones who dash off early because of some "kid catastrophe," and then calling back into the office to hand out instructions for things THEY should be doing. And leaving others to explain their bloody absence. Oh, and they of course expect everyone to understand.. "Well", some have said, "it's kids, so you HAVE to attend to them. No, you have to do what your employer pays you to do and find some other way to fit in your kids, not the other way round. And why do they never make up their lost time? Or volunteer to stay late or work through lunch, or come in early at least ONCE or twice? I bet if more of their pay was docked for being absence when they should be at work, they'd find a way to be at work when they are supposed to be. 2007-02-10T02:22:49.323+01:00 2007-02-10T02:22:49.323+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=447854&comment_id=8285785 Britgirl @plainsfem - good point - part time and short term or temp jobs have very few benefits as well as often being low paid... I'll look forward to your comments on my post! 2007-02-07T04:17:48.041+01:00 2007-02-07T04:17:48.041+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=459080&comment_id=8285391 Britgirl Thank you one and all for sharing these great comments! I'm going to sit back and enjoy reading them but not before saying thanks and welcome to new visitors to Like It Is. @Joy - don't feel strange :-) - that's an interesting "problem." Imagine if everyone who's who is pining after their "own flesh and blood" and spending $$$thousands on IVF felt like you did! Besides, you're getting the same knowing looks when you mention not wanting kids :-). At least you'll know what to expect! 2007-02-07T04:03:47.288+01:00 2007-02-07T04:03:47.288+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=447854&comment_id=8235045 Britgirl TT - thank you for your kind comment. And for the update! What a waste of a relationship indeed. Miss you and look forward to you joining us whenever you're up to it. 2007-02-06T05:01:25.137+01:00 2007-02-06T05:01:25.137+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=447854&comment_id=8184552 Britgirl @plainsfem - I would agree with you - to a point (and this is going to be the subject of a forthcoming post - thanks for raising). I'm more in agreement with mercurior though. From my experience in both the UK, where I'm from and Canada, where I live, much more is done for people with children than for childfree people. While I will agree that the many work envrionments are not tailored around women bringing up children (and yes, this causes all sorts of issues for women who have to work and their families) at the same time many are bending over backwards to create more "family friendly" workplaces. They are doing this because they need to retain workers. They need to be mindful that they need to support their workers, but they also need to be aware that if they don't make a profit, the company will be gone. Which is fine, except that family doesn't mean person with no kids, or person who is single. It means people with children. People with children have - for example (at my company) - time off if their kids are sick, time off to go to parent teacher meetings, very good health benefits coverage extended to all dependents, subsidized childcare, on-sitecompany childcare, time off if they are adopting kids, preferential tax breaks, tax credits and child benefit, a christmas party for workers children. During March break, childfree people can't take vacation, because parents are on vacation. Pregnant women can take up to a year off as maternity leave with all benefits and can return to their substantive grade. Their vacation entitlement remains untouched. This is also the case in the UK. When you consider that, some women are have vacation entitlement of 3-4 wks (depending on years of service) the time off is subtantial. (Vacation entitlement is more in the UK. I was entitled to 5 weeks/year). Employers cannot fill their positions, they must keep them open. Fathers are now entitled to paternity leave - though many don't take it, mothers can opt to job share, flexible work, or work part time. PLUS there are many other ways government supports parents. In Europe, benefits for people with children are even more generous - depending on the country. Plus companies are sympathetic to parents when they have to dash out of the workplace to tend to a child, or attend a school function or a kid's sports function. Not for the Childfree. I think you'll find that even the US has many more benefits for parents as opposed to those without. So I think while it isn't perfect, it's more than lip-service. Contrast that with what is provided for childfree people, or as mercurior says, young men (a pretty vulnerable group btw). We get no extra time off outside vacations and public holidays, even if we are taking care of a parent or a pet. There are signs that is now changing in larger corporations but it still is much less time than people with parents are able to take. Small companies may go under, they don't have the same luxury of economies of scale. So, rightly or wrongly many won't hire women. We get no extra benefits. We can, of course, take a year off - but it will be without pay - unless we use our vacation time. We pay more tax than parents and get no tax breaks, no government support, no subsidized transportation, no subsidized elder care payments. And by the way, I work for one of the most family friendly companies in Canada, and one of the best employers, with over 50% of employees being women. Many in very senior positions. Might be different in the US, but I would guess that good companies still have more benefits for parents than non-parents. Generally we understand - children are demanding, but lately we've been getting fed-up at what we perceive as preferential treatment for parents. And even if they try and make things more "family friendly" and "do more" for parents, childfree people will be even more marginalized as far as the workplace is concerned. In my opinion It's already tipped far too much in parents' favour - and we pick up the slack. As you said what's needed is a more equitable solution - for childfree and childed alike. 2007-02-05T05:57:05.491+01:00 2007-02-05T05:57:05.491+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=444770&comment_id=8171936 Britgirl @Epona... yes, we will be faced with "well there's still time to change your mind, now that women are able to have kids in their 50s/60s/70s... and good point on IVF... here of course we have the old double standard hard at work. If it's to have a child it makes everything ok. An abortion to plan your family/protect the woman/any other reason is NOT o.k. But of course, we know that half of the flak that abortion gets is because a) the child must come first, meaning the woman is secondary, and b) because a woman can exert control over her own body and that control means the child will not come first. @Hillari - never mind two kids. What about even one kid?? How can a single retired woman of nearly 70 afford to bring up even one kid? - Answer she can't - hence she needs a wealthy young strapping lad to take care of it. 2007-02-04T23:53:21.185+01:00 2007-02-04T23:53:21.185+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=450139&comment_id=8101217 Britgirl Never mind the money....From what I've heard about Windows Vista's intrusive qualities, I don't understand why anyone would upgrade to it ...I've heard that it's built in risk assessments will automatically delete components it deems risky - whether you want it to or not... and there is concern that it will detect disable and/or remove pirated software and media even of "questionable provenance"... it has built in proprietary HD media decoding software, but it's evidently been crippled so that it will not play HD media at HD resolution; it will deliberately play below it.. apparently at the behest of the companies that are they licensed it from... It's CPU registered, so you can't copy and put it on another computer (not that other sw makers doesn't do that, of course)..too much control on MY computer. Oh, and of course it is a memory hog! I'm sticking with XP. 2007-02-03T04:44:22.707+01:00 2007-02-03T04:44:22.707+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=447854&comment_id=8055489 Britgirl @mercurior -Thanks for these - The Childfree responses are great. Good comebacks and worth a read. The above rubies link is more evidence that people are good at shelving responsibility for their actions... after all, it can't be wrong if God ordained it can it? @Rhea - I'm trying to puzzle out the answer to that one myself... to me she sounded smug. But then she's probably been told she's a better person just for being a mother... @Rebecca - Yes, good recommendation - I read it a a couple of years ago. One of the best books on childfree living out there. @Hillari - Oh yeah! 2007-02-02T05:55:39.860+01:00 2007-02-02T05:55:39.860+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=442382&comment_id=8048127 Britgirl Wow! What great comments! Welcome Epona E - Hear! Hear! excellent point that not only do the perpetrators of this myth ruin those who believe it, but also the children of those women - because of course they indoctrinate others. @mercurior - very interesting you make that point because I was thinking, in all of this that somewhere feminists - and of course good to hear the men's perspective. This point is definitely worth tacking in another article :). Oh, and you mentioned that all important deception that we've all been sold... that other myth - that "women can have it all"... All evidence points to the contrary. @RMS - great points as usual! @Kath - thanks! Most especially for sharing your story... You really did have to fight for your beliefs. A reminder of how hard other people make it for us. And all for a bunch of crap. Have to add, these comments were so inspiring that I just sat reading them for ages. If I wasn't already happy to be childfree I damn well would be now :-) 2007-02-02T02:11:00.664+01:00 2007-02-02T02:11:00.664+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=444770&comment_id=7980244 Britgirl Yes, I too was gobsmacked when I read it. I think what this woman did is completely fuckwitted. In fact, it's beyond fuckwittedness. No concern at all for those children. Only someone's so-called, imagined "right" to have a child. Worse than selfish. 2007-02-01T01:15:23.703+01:00 2007-02-01T01:15:23.703+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=442382&comment_id=7903581 Britgirl @plainsfem - enjoy :-) We won't bite (heh heh). Thank you for sharing this. In fact, you are probably one of those very rare parents who actually tell it like it is, far from being out of place it's something that I wish we heard more often. I am fortunate to have friends who are parents who actually have said this to me as well. But it's certainly not the norm. You're right about that "great unspoken secret" - the vast majority of parents never ever say how hard being a parent is, only that it's wonderful (and we should get on board because we're missing the greatest thing ever...) everyone pretends it's the only thing that matters. Meanwhile, I - and most childfree people - would have to be blind and stupid not to see that it is very hard work and that it's not a bed of roses. "I kinda suspect that if parents WERE honest, there’d be less tension between childed and childfree…" Exactly. 2007-01-31T05:06:38.083+01:00 2007-01-31T05:06:38.083+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=442382&comment_id=7901442 Britgirl Well said Fem and welcome! I agree with both yourself and Carisa on the guilt issue good on you both for refusing to feel guilty anymore. It is indeed a shame that in an era where women go into space and can command multimillion $$ salaries, they are still censured and queried for not feeling a maternal instinct, simply because everyone seems to have bought the myth. Mothers need to be giving their daughters a differerent message so they can fight back. But like Carisa, I feel we have a long way to go yet. I believe more women need to hear messages like ours. @Rhea - LOL - well said. I can't really add any more to that :-). I feel exactly the same, only in years past, (before I knew what I now know) I actually wondered when it would appear... can't believer I even spent time thinking about it - it was never going to appear! 2007-01-31T04:40:11.918+01:00 2007-01-31T04:40:11.918+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=436286&comment_id=7649957 Britgirl edit - original comment had my old blog addy! This one has the correct one. Wow! I know the sale is over, I know that I wouldn’t have gone anyway (not overly impressed with Lululemon either) but it was still great reading this thread.Fantastic interaction. I could not believe anyone would stand out in the cold for even 1 minute for a LLL sale. GG - are you going to post a similar for the Holts Sale Now that one I just might consider… :) 2007-01-28T21:49:34.814+01:00 2007-01-28T21:49:34.814+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=345765&comment_id=4711110 Britgirl Last time I looked a blog was for the blog owner to write about anything they wanted to. Their cats, their dogs, their cheese sandwiches or lack thereof. As has been said by a couple of bloggers... if people don't care for your content, they'll go elsewhere. What we definitely do not need are bloggers telling other bloggers "what not to blog about..." or "XX things to avoid blogging about..." 2006-12-19T04:49:45.279+01:00 2006-12-19T04:49:45.279+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=327598&comment_id=4437712 Britgirl @Chris - LOL!! 2006-12-11T03:01:12.183+01:00 2006-12-11T03:01:12.183+01:00 http://www.cocomment.com/sidebar?object=people&context=explore&mode=detail&id=britgirl&conv=297759&comment_id=4082607 Britgirl Hey TT - Hand made to order. What a great idea! Didn't even occur to me, but if it had I'd have to have got my act together somewhat sooner. Something to bear in mind for next time. 2006-12-03T01:52:37.724+01:00 2006-12-03T01:52:37.724+01:00